Posted at: 10/07/2009 1:08 PM
By: Benita Zahn

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Conflict Resolution

I'm the community liaison to the ethics board at St. Peter's hospital. That means I'm your voice and ears as ethical issues are discussed at the hospital.

To that end, I get to take part in monthly phone conferences. The topic this month was Conflict Resolution. The takeaway keys on resolution are: Listen, acknowledge and value.

Ah, but when was the last time you really listened - listened without forming your response before all the details were in?

 Sometimes it takes a person awhile to get to the point. We jump the gun if we don't let them get to the finish line. By doing that we may create trouble we didn't anticipate.

Acknowledge - ah - that can be a sticky wicket. That means taking your opinion out of the equation for a moment or two to say, "Yeah, I really hear you and your concerns" ..

And that leads to value - even though you may not agree, you have to value the thought process that brings the other party to their position.

Ultimately this should lead to a consensus.

But what about those who didn't come to the table to dialogue - negotiate and reach consensus ..  they just want things their way?

Try, try again ..

Or recognize that the issue isn't resolvable. You may have to choose a new goal: to agree to improve communication and make everyone feel valued because they had a hearing.

And in the end, sometimes, that's the best thing that happens because it's therapeutic when you feel like you've been heard.