If you’re the parent of a tween or teen, you’ve probably been asked at some point to buy them whatever is popular at school, like the latest name brand tumbler, skincare item, or smartphone. However, what if the item is too pricey, or you don’t think they need it?

While it’s okay to say no, it can also be helpful to have a conversation with your child about why they really want that item, according to Dr. Vanessa Jensen, a psychologist for Cleveland Clinic Children’s Center for Autism.

You could then offer to have them add it to their Christmas list or buy it for their upcoming birthday. This can teach them patience.

By giving your child everything they want, no matter the price, it could make them selfish, said Jensen.
Parents also shouldn’t feel bad when they do say no. Your child will eventually get over it.

If you do wind up buying your child the item they wanted and they eventually stop using it, avoid saying “I told you so,” suggested Jensen. Instead, use it as a teachable moment about why it’s still OK to use that item, even if it’s not what’s cool at school anymore.

If they worked hard to get that item, you can acknowledge their efforts.